2018-04-14, Saturday!
2018-04-14, Saturday!
2001: A Space OminoAn Emergency Mission AnalysisAdapted from Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C Clarke's
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Musical Emergency * Saturday 2018 April 14 * Omino, Santa Cruz * david poly@omino.com * deb debkakes@gmail.com * 8313326077
Good evening.
As you may know, many rumors surround the ill-fated space mission, Discovery, launched in 2001. The technical specs and space observations have been unavailable to the public, until now.
Unfortunately, the data tapes as released are indecipherable. No existing nine-thousand series computers remain. The tapes contents, and conclusions, still a total mystery.
But not quite. During a routine inventory and maintenance cycle, we discovered an intriguing detail on our own supercomputer, the Omino Eight Triple Niner, acquired at Weird Stuff Warehouse in 2003 for cheap. This detail, an ordinary looking serial number plate, contained in minuscule type the following words:
Model 8999.
Engineering Sample.
Destroy after evaluation.
Incompatible with 9000-series data formats.
Property of HAL Laboratories, Urbana Illinois.
DO NOT ENGAGE CONVERSATIONALLY.
Naturally, we loaded up the tapes, and immediately details of the mission emerged. At least, we think that's what it is.
We invite you to help us interpret this mission data. With music.
As usual, it is our honor and delight to host this Musical Emergency. We'll do our utmost not to tarnish the brand! --> Deb & David
1. PRELUDE MUSIC
2. MGM click for excerpt
3. Protohumans’ life without tools is brutish and short. Tapirs mill about. A leopard kills one of the tribe.
4. Moonwatcher’s tribe is chased from the water hole by another tribe.
5. (the moonkees) A monolith appears in the morning. Moonwatcher and his tribe touch the monolith. The sun and moon nearly align. First lesson.
6. (jD+L) Moonwatcher imagines a new use for dried bones. The tribe enjoys generous portions of meat. The golden age of tapirs has come to an end.
7. Moonwatcher’s tribe reclaims the watering hole.
8. Moonwatcher hurls a bone at the sky. Four million years later, many tools orbit the sky above the Earth. Dr Floyd rides an empty space shuttle to the unfinished space station. There is a space waltz. Vehicle by Pan Am.
9. The stewardess and receptionist welcome Dr Floyd to the station. Mr Miller of station security meets him and they proceed through Voice Print identification customs. Dr Floyd reveals his Christian name, Haywood. Also his middle initial.
10. Floyd and Miller walk through the space station. Dr Floyd has one hour to make his connection. Chairs by Olivier Mourgue.
11. Dr Floyd make an expensive long distance call to his daughter on Earth. Picturephone by Bell System.
12. (jay) Dr Floyd chats with several Russian scientists. The Russians are far ahead of the Americans in gender equality. Dr Floyd declines to clear up the “big mystery and Clavius Base.” Whenever they call the base they get a recorded message that the phones are out of order. “I’m sorry… I’m not at liberty to discuss it.”
13. (martin & julia) Dr Floyd rides the empty Aries 1B Trans-Lunar Space Shuttle from the space station to the moon. The stewardesses watch wrestling on TV. A stewardess walks upside down. The captain turns out to be Ed Straker, but this is of no consequence.
14. (Paul) Dr Floyd considers using the toilet.
15. Dr Floyd presides over a meeting in a conference room on the moon. The PR guy takes pictures. Everyone requested to fill out secrecy forms; the possibility of cultural shock is great.
16. Dr Floyd rides a moon bus to the crater Tycho. They have coffee and sandwiches (chicken and ham, or something like). On the moon bus they look at the photos of TMA-1. The artifact appears to have been deliberately buried four million years ago.
17. (the moonkees) The PR guy takes photos of the scientists at the monolith. Haywood Floyd touches the monolith. As the sun strikes the monolith, it sends a signal to Jupiter.
18. (Julia) Life aboard the spaceship Discovery. Three astronauts are frozen in hibernation.
19. (Evan) Astronauts Frank Poole and Dave Bowman watch themselves on BBC while enjoying a tasty lunch. The computer HAL says he enjoys working with humans. Silverware by Arne Jacobsen.
20. Frank receives a Happy Birthday video from his parents on Earth. “See you next Wednesday.”
21. Frank loses a game of chess to HAL. HAL thanks him for a very enjoyable game.
22. Dave shows HAL his sketches. HAL asks Dave if he thinks anything is fishy about the mission. “Just a moment. Just a moment.” HAL reports that their link to Earth will fail in 72 hours.
23. Mission Control OKs their plan to EVA and replace the AE-35 unit. Dave goes out in a pod, breathes heavily, does a spacewalk, and swaps in a replacement.
24. The faulty unit looks fine. HAL and Mission control suggest they swap it back in until it fails. Mission control suggests that HAL is wrong about this. “We know this sounds rather incredible.” HAL says it is undoubtedly due to human error.
25. (evan/jay/martin) Frank and Dave have a private conversation about disabling the ship’s computer.
26. Frank goes out in a pod to swap back in the AE-35. The pod moves on him aggressively. His spacesuit fails, and he and the pod go spinning away from the Discovery.
27. Dave asks HAL if they have a good signal on Frank. Dave goes after Frank in a pod.
28. (jD+L) The three hibernating astronauts die.
29. Dave returns to Discovery with Frank’s lifeless body. HAL won’t let him in. Dave jumps across space to the airlock.
30. (omino) Dave goes to the utility core to disable the ship’s computer. HAL pleads with him not to. HAL sings a song.
31. (Martin) A prerecorded message reveals the true purpose of the Discovery mission: To follow the alien artifact’s signal to Jupiter.
32. (doug l) Dave Bowman flies a pod through the stargate.
33. Astronaut Dave Bowman is in a fancy suite.
34. (deborah) Astronaut Dave Bowman is reborn.
a. (Martin) Science Fiction Double Feature