well, figuratively.

four months ago today has nothing in common with today.

nothing.

i was living in houston, expecting to remain there for another eight months.

working at a job i did not enjoy, in a work environment i found to be hostile and unforgiving.

i think i was carted off to new orleans around this time four months ago, where i locked myself in my hotel room and tried to work on my opinions on legal questions that didn't excite me anymore and that were due that day.

i remember going to listen to en banc hearings, and trying not to fall asleep. not really caring about the subject matter, not caring who won and who lost.

expecting that, whichever way the case came out, justice would be a fortuity.

merely hoping that i wouldn't be assigned to write the opinion.

i remember looking around the room, and realizing that i had little in common with the other people there.

hoping that no one would discover that i was an imposter.

feeling sorry for myself for being in new orleans, and not being able to play.

wow, i am glad that is over.

now i am in san francisco, in my new fabulous apartment, surrounded by old friends as well as new friends, with a respectable social life, and prospects for a job that doesn't make me want to throw myself off a train every day.

yep! it's still me! this is my life!

i mean, all is not completely perfect.

take my neighbors. (please, take my neighbors. old joke.)

yesterday, i returned from what is progressing to be my daily ritual of running up to twin peaks, to see that my neighbors on the first floor had carried up all fifteen boxes that i had carted downstairs to the recycling bin outside their back door, apparently because i had not folded up the boxes small enough. this stupid neighbor actually must have believed that schlepping the boxes up three flights of stairs would be easier than actually confronting me face to face and asking me to fold the boxes, much less merely putting a note on my door. asshole stupid neighbors.

also, i have received my share of hate mail from the idiots-who-read-my-home-page file.

here's a recent interchange with a particularly entertaining idiot:

his message:

Hello Rebecca,
I caught your web page while looking for something... it caught my eye... so I checked it out.
I must say that it was rather interesting and that goes along with your views. I cracked up at the part that you don't eat anything with a face. I myself need to see a little face looking up from my plate before I can eat. I am more of a carnivore than an omnivore. What I was really impressed with was how strong you believe in your views. Which is good. (Singing with Abba impressed me also.... and thanks... when I read that I had Abba songs floating in my head all day.)
The one thing that sticks out in your page is how childish it is. Or in new-speak.... your inner-child is speaking out on the page. I'd like to see how the page would change once you settle down, get married, and have a few children of your own... or grow up.
Take care,
Rob

"childish!!!" my response:

thanks for your letter, which undoubtedly you intended to be kind.

i am more than a bit insulted by your assessment of "childish." if you actually read the page, i think you would see that i have no intention of marrying, for reasons that are far from childish. i view marriage as childish and unthinking.

perhaps you should take a look again, when you are older.

his response to my response:

Rebecca,

I am sorry that I insulted you with my constructive criticism. I see that you are not mature enough to accept criticism without taking it as a personal attack. I actually did read the page... and maybe the reason you have no intention to marrying is that you haven't been on a date for two years. As for viewing marriage as childish and unthinking.... doesn't mean much to me considering your situation. That is what I'd expect from a lonely person. Your entire web page cries for help, that you are lonely and am in desperate need for friendship. I offered my hand with my last letter.... but to be honest... I am quite disappointed with your reply.

Rob

"my entire web page cries for help"???????

From: ethernet betty[SMTP:mars@bossanova.com]
Sent: Friday, February 16, 1996 7:08 PM
Subject: re: Your web page...

that was not constructive criticism, you idiotic pud.

i was on a date last night. don't believe everything you read.

i am neither lonely nor desperate for friendship. you, on the other hand, obviously are. that is why you spend hours reading strangers' web pages and writing them letters.

get a life, loser.

he doesn't give up. here is the one and only time i will ever use the blink function. i swear.

So you say don't believe everything you read... so that makes you a liar. (No wonder you chose the profession as a lawyer.) You also could very well be lying about your date. I wouldn't doubt it. Also the lack of capitalization in your letters show a lack of study of the English language and it's rules. I hardy doubt that you are a lawyer, or could get accepted into a secondary school for that matter. As for your web page.... please believe me when I say it did not take "hours" to read it. Don't flatter yourself too much. Like I said before, I ran across your lame, wishful dreaming page when the search I ran snagged across the word Revenge in your page. I really should link my page to yours.... in my "Lamer Web Page" section. And as for my life.... I've been to more countries than you've been to states... and have seen and done more than you ever will in your life time. And if your try to say that I am wrong, that you have done more or seen more, please be sure that it is things you've actually done, and not things that you were day dreaming about. I really think you need to see a counselor as you are living a separate life from reality. Take care, Rob

sigh. one can only hope he found the "revenge" he was seeking.