what if what i have been working on for so long does not happen?

what if i am being too optimistic?

am i relying too heavily on the good faith of others?

the panic struck from the moment i awoke.

i made some phone calls, and discovered that a certain money lead was bogus. i ranted about that for a while. i made more phone calls.

i cruised on over to cyborganic for a while, to no avail.

i came home, and whimped a little.

i stuck some tapes of old 90210 and party of five episodes my parents had taped for me into the vcr.

but i did not feel better. i was still panicked. i tried to get some stuff done; i tried to prepare for a meeting.

i went to the gym; i went to the meeting; no one else went to the meeting.

warning: this is not an advertisement for clean living!

i enjoyed myself immensely at tnd. i did not live cleanly. and i passed out that evening without even updating the home page.

but i felt a little better.