Every man that I have ever dated for longer than a few months has dated right after they broke up with me, without exception, a woman with the following characteristics: much younger than them, with far less education, making a much smaller salary, and engaged in a traditionally female occupation that involves the giving of care, such as secretary, receptionist, nurse or hairdresser. This time is no exception and I am not the least bit surprised.

I try not to judge behavior until I have tried it myself. And, frankly, I too think it would be nice to have my own secretary, receptionist, nurse or hairdresser -- but I have never found any secretary, receptionist, nurse or hairdresser who has wanted to date me (and vice versa).

Once after a break-up I did, however, find a bike messenger. He looked a lot like Brian Krakow from "My So-Called Life," and I picked him up at a bar. I had many high hopes of free deliveries and avid page-returning attentive behavior. Instead, after only two dates he turned out to be an obsessive stalker - - stopping by every day at work, phoning me at all hours of the night, and even calling my boss's private phone line and begging her to convince me to see him when I refused. It took a move 2000 miles across the country for me to escape him.

Sucks.