READ ME!

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READ ME ... yeah, right. Right?

What is this all about? Maybe you should read the READ ME READ ME.

Sometime or other about 6 months ago, I decided that it was boring to be age 28 and I started calling myself 29. 29 seemed like a nice number -- prime, right before 30, like a price tag on an item that is far more expensive than it appears, or like the last chapter in a book. Almost there, but not there. Anticipation, close to climax. 29.

Despite the fact that I do find the celebration of birthdays often an imposition on friends, I like to take the time to reflect (well, I guess I'll take any opportunity I can to reflect, it seems).

I am 29 and I pretty much know who I want to be, where I want to go, how I want to live. But I'm not there yet; I'm not ready yet. I want to write a good book, but I am not good enough yet. I want to return to academia, but it is still too early. I want to be a great writer, but I'm not yet; I am still learning. I want to raise a child (or children) but I cannot yet; I cannot afford to raise it the way I want to yet. These things are clear. And it is okay; I have time.

Many people dread becoming 30, but I look forward to it. With 30 comes a certain increase in credibility, a certain acknowledgment of life experience. I never related to the stereotype of the 20-something; I never had anything in common with the aesthetic of the GenX slacker. (To be honest, I don't know too many people who do.) I am looking forward to be free of that.

The 20's are supposed to be the years of experimenting and making a lot of bad choices. I pretty much excelled in that area. So turning 30 will be pretty high-pressure.

I want to believe that thing about the 30's being the decade that everything finally comes together. But I look at the 30-somethings I know and I'm not convinced. Once I turn 30, which I am looking forward to, I will lose something very very big -- looking forward to being 30.

So I try not to think about it. I just try to focus on the final goal, and move towards there, slowly. 29 is fine for now.

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