A friend of mine was recently dumped by a guy who broke up with her after four weeks, when they were still just getting to know each other. She recounted his reasoning: he did not "feel enough about her;" he was not "in love with her."

Meanwhile, he did not yet know her (how could he, after only four weeks?). Had he claimed to have been in love with her after only four weeks, she told me, she may well have broken up with him instead.

He must have been pretty grossed out, she pondered (although the sex seemed to suggest otherwise). She felt bad, especially on rainy nights (not to mention that she missed the sex). And they used to laugh a lot, she said. (He probably lacked appreciation of "Chasing Amy," (among other things), I offered. He'll miss her, I knew inside.)

She may have the story wrong. After all, people dump other people for all sorts of reasons - - some having to do with so-called love (or lack thereof), fear, disgust, envy, passion (too much or too little), stress, power, repression, who knows what else.

Shit happens; might as well cut your losses, I told her. She mumbled something about opportunity cost and trudged off. An interesting way to handle the situation, I guess.

Too bad. She is pretty cool. She can do better.

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You can tell a lot about a person's ability to handle relationships by the way that they handle business. The same type of personality who holds out for the perfect venture capitalist, endlessly revising the perfect business plan, will go single forever holding out for the perfect mate. On a meta level, it boils down to a problem of fixating on a distant, discrete yet unachievable goal, while failing to engage in triage in a rational manner. Even the best minds, logical elsewhere, can fall short when analyzing one's own behavior. I consider myself in that category, of course (and not just the 'best minds' part).

with gratitude to oliver muoto for the business analysis

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Love - - or at least lust - - "comes naturally," they say. But relationships are work. Literally.

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thanks, Top25.org

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